St. Bernard of Clarivaux

Was an interesting cat. Right now (literally. I am 'taking a break' from my paper) I am writing a paper about his theological contributions. Here are a few quotes from him that I found particularly beautiful or interesting:

"I ask no further pledge of righteousness if he is one my side whom alone I have offended. If he decrees that a sin is not to be imputed to me, it is as if it never existed."

"You will not pray aright, if in your prayrs you seek anything but the Word, or seek him for the sake of anything but the Word; for in him are all things. In him is healing for your wounds, help in your need, resotration for your faults, resources for your further growth; in him is all that men should ask or desire, all they need, all that will profit them. There is no reason therefore to ask anything else of the Word, for he is all."

"Although the creature loves less, being a lesser being, yet if it loves with its whole heart nothing is lacking, for it has given all."

Hungry for adventure

I don't know what precisely is going on in my heart. It is a random, itching, "somethings about to happen", kind of feeling that rises up in me. The feeling is a hunger for adventure--to do soemthing meaningful, daring, maybe a little weird or stupid looking--for God. The condundrum is "What is God trying to tell me or show me? Where or to what is God leading me?".

I feel the need for a pilgramage. Getting out there--seeing a little bit of the world before the demands of adulthood come down on me--allowing God to take me way out of my comfort zone.

So far this pilgramage has been spiritual. God has been working on my heart intensely, with passion and jealousy for all of my love. Times have been tough, really tough at times. I've cried so much this semester it's nuts. Don't worry, I'm not depressed. It's actually an answer to prayer as I have asked God to soften my heart and to help me allow myself to feel, even when it hurts. I don't want a heart of stone! I've also had amazingly sweet and refreshing times in His presence. God is already taking me on an adventure as He calls me to join Him in what He is doing and where He is going, despite my fears and doubts. I'll have to write more about what God is doing in my heart. Remind me!

But, at the same time, I feel this stirring to go somewhere! I don't know where. I am still praying about it and seeing what God wants to do with my summer.
I don't know what it is. I think partly it's a desire for something different, partly a desire to be radically in love with God, and partly to be more independent and get away to something foreign to everyday life.

I just want this summer to be different. Every summer I end up feeling like my time could've been used better. Since I've gone to school my friends in town have all moved away and I feel isolated from my peers during the summer. I want to spend my time wisely, grow closer to God and be stretched in my faith, and get to know more people my age.

I'm checking out my options and praying about it. We'll see what happens.

Pray for the Middle East

Check out this article from the BBC Turkish MPs back attacks in Iraq.

Much needed rest

I'm headed home this weekend with several goals in mind:

• Get lots and lots and lots of homework done.- I have a feeling that next week, homecoming at Sterling, will be crazy. School doesn't stop during this week, but craziness grows exponentially as time to do things becomes more and more limited. And one of my professors chose to have a paper due that Thursday. Hopefully I will be able to work way, way ahead this weekend.
• Me time- I don't get a lot of that right now. Hopefully I will have more time to sleep, read for fun, take baths, play piano for fun, have more time to be with God, and other wonderful self-care type stuff.
• Be away from everyone and everything- That's how I handle stress. I remove myself from the situation or environment. I'm also introverted in a lot of ways so having time to not be around others and enjoy living in my head should be beneficial.
• I'm also reevaluating my current schedule-it turns out I don't have a lot of time for the things and people I love. My challenge is working around fixed times like classes, office hours, meetings, practices, and Bible studies.