Almost the new year

So it's been almost 3 weeks since I've updated. I've been busy. Last week I babysat my nephew Jackson and I had a blast! Mom, Dad, and I decided to give Ang and Trav a break from their crazy-parent schedule so we took the baby while they went home. He is a bundle of crazy. It's was way fun but also tiring. After that the whole family headed up to K.C. and did all of out Christmas stuff. It was a lot of fun. We opened presents, took a sleigh ride around the plaza, and did some shopping.

The rest of my break has been as such:
The first week I wasted watching T.V. Every time I come home for a break it seems that I have to gorge myself on T.V. (since I don't watch any at school) until I remember how much it really sucks. You guys T.V. is lame. So incredibly lame. Don't be offended. I'm not judging you for watching T.V. Just look at what you are watching. Do you really want to fill your mind and your heart with that? I have to ask myself that question every day when boredom seeps in and I am tempted to believe that T.V. is the only thing that will entertain me.

After that I snapped into gear and finally started to spend time with God. That has been the best part of my break. God has been rooting and grounding me in His love. He has been calling me into deeper obedience (I hate it when I am disobedient). He is revealing areas where He wants to mature me. Side note: God knows the difference between immaturity and disobedience. Yay! He has been burdening me with specific things to intercede for. He has been teaching me about envy. He is building my relationship with the Holy Spirit. He has been teaching me about grace.
I am so thankful that though God always loves me where I am, He loves me so much that He won't leave me in my complacency, immaturity, or disobedience. I am so thankful for this break from school and that God has done so much more with this time than I expected.

Thank you IHOP

Thank you International House of Prayer for making the GBF (global bridegroom fast) free to watch all this week.
Listened to some Merchant Band this morning.
Enjoying some Misty Edwards-ness right now. Amazing!

"You are stronger in my weakness

So I'll lean into Your strength.

You are greater when I diminish

So I'll lean into Your grace"

Finals Week

I've only had two real finals and they were both today. They weren't that bad and were both Bible classes which makes it really fun.
I've spent more time in the prayer room this week than studying or taking finals. That's just the way I like it. It's been a challenge to pray this week. There is so much emotional stuff involved along with a large amount of rumors and misinformation. It can get really frustrating to have to sift through all the junk.
Although this has been a hard transition for the college I feel like the main thing God wants to do in this time is have our full attention. I think it is easy, as a whole student body, to use Christ when it is convenient. I feel like God is calling this campus to decided whether we want Him or not. That sounds harsh, but God is jealous for Sterling College. He has wonderful plans for us and wants to see us have the best, which means a restored relationship with Him. He disciplines the ones He loves. Right now I'm pressing into that reality in prayer for the campus.
This week has really been hard on me because I've come to the end of myself and my strength and have to rely on God's strength. That's great! I really have to fight for the things I love, like prayer and Sterling College. Ultimately God is strengthening my relationship with Him and developing my passion for prayer and people. Awesome. It is just painful. Jesus never said dying to yourself was easy, that's why its called death.

(Un) offended

Again, and it's one of those times you really hate repeats, there is turmoil on campus. For the 2nd semester in a row people are on the chopping block at Sterling College. Recently both our President of Academic Affairs and our VP of Student Life were fired for no reason. It is incredibly sad because they were both incredibly strong men of faith. There are rumors that more faculty will be cut when we leave for break. This is putting the students under incredible stress and in situations like this tend to make people angry. Here are my thoughts:

Though injustice needs to be dealt with, its not an excuse or reason to be angry with God. Only by digging into the word and having it written upon our hearts while coming before God in prayer and asking, "What is on Your heart?' over and over again will we remain unoffended. It's not that we're necessarily asking God to break down His plan step by step for us, but instead asking that our hearts would become like His. That (Having and knowledge and understanding of God's heart) will transcend and permeate any situation we are in or will be in for the rest of our lives.

On my mind and in my journal

Here are some things that have been on my heart lately:

Holiness- I feel like God wants to raise up holy people on this campus. I have always replied with a"Yes!!!!....ummm...how?". Finally I feel like I have the beginning of an answer. As usual it is something that is simple, but it impacted me deeply. Here's the excerpt from my journal:

"God didn't say, 'Be holy' and leave it at that. He said, 'Be holy, as I am holy." He is our role model. He is our example, our blueprint, our mold. He is the one we are to look to in order to learn about what holiness is. As we look to Him we will be transformed into His likeness. Then we will be holy as He is holy."

The power of prayer- It seems like everyday I become more and more convinced regarding the power of prayer. God continues to show me the futility of my efforts apart from Him. More and more I feel the burden to pray. It's amazing and painful all at the same time.

"Prayer is as vast as God because He is behind it. Prayer is as might as God, because He has committed Himself to answer it."- Leonard Ravenhill.

Sterling College: "It's time to decide." 1 Kings 18:21

God wants our hearts. He wants people who won't play games and will love Him wholeheartedly.

Update on The 25...a week later

The 25 went really well. We ended up getting all the slots filled (last minute sign-ups are the best). What was exciting for me was to see some freshman stepping up and taking leadership. We've got some cool up and coming worship-leaders on campus.
This 'hours of prayer' was a lot different than the 48 last spring. The whole campus seemed really dead, nobody was around (which never happens), but the prayer room had a steady stream of people. It always seemed like a very intimate setting, never having an overwhelming amount of people in the prayer room at once. It seemed like God wanted to really work in individuals lives a lot more than the group as a whole. God really knows best and knows that this is a time when most people are so tired of school and a just itching for thanksgiving. I think that this was a time more for sowing things (a.k.a. not seeing with our eyes what God is doing but paving the way for things to come) than reaping (getting to see the fruits of our prayers). God is wise to hide such things.
It was a good time for me, though being in charge of everything is crazy. It was crazy in that God allowed me to participate on what He is doing on campus through prayer. I loved it though. I could organize to facilitate prayer any day. God continued to confirm in me what I am called to do, what I was created to do and that is a miracle in itself. It is also really refreshing and is helping me focus a lot more on what is important.
Praise God for the 25! Let's keeping asking for "More!" and praying for the next 'hours of prayer' in the spring.

"Maybe I just have a fat, girly face"

Kudos to Relevant magazine online for highlighting this hilarious news story. The best part is the quote used as my title. Just check it out, it should make your day.

The 25

The 25 hours of prayer is upon us!
That was a little melodramatic.
No, strike that...
It is exciting.
Last year The 48 was amazing. Getting that many people to pray for that long and seeing such a dramatic change in people's lives is definitely not something accomplished by human efforts.
Though this is a crazy time of year people are signing up (we still need more slots filled though. God will provide). I know that God is going to move again as we come before Him in prayer. God answers the cries of the hungry, thirsty, desperate, and lovesick with Himself.

Pray for us as we pray.
Pray that those who are hurting and heartbroken to find healing.
Pray for those who are confused that they would have clarity and discernment.
Pray for those who are looking for meaning in life, that they would find their definition in who God is and who God has made.
Pray for those who are questioning, that they would be answered.
Pray that God would move in amazing ways on this campus and cause people to love God and each other in a new way.

Ahh...weekend!

The roomie, Jean, and I are heading to Manhattan! No, not New York (though that would be quite a extraordinary weekend get-away), Manhattan KS, home of the Wild-cats and my best friend Ellen!
A Sterling graduate is performing in Tartuffe this weekend and we wanted to see that and I definitely wanted to see Ellen. How long has it been since I've seen her? Since this summer? Too long. I finally get to come visit her, like we always promised to do, and to meet all her K-State friends.
I'm looking forward to it. I think Jean and I will have a fun road trip up there, a good time seeing Tartuffe, and hanging out with the Ellen.

In other news....
This has been a completely odd week.
I almost no homework.
We had a Halloween barn dance thing Tuesday night. It was fun to see everyone's costumes. My favorite was my friend's recreation of the "American Gothic" painting.
As much as I've wanted to pray and study the Bible (after a long period of knowing I want to do it but never getting to it) it was really hard and I seemed to face a lot of obstacles that kept me from it. I really have enjoyed my time in the Prayer Room on campus though. God has been blessing me with the perseverance to pray, which is a huge blessing. Sometimes prayer can be such a battle!
I'm also gearing up for the 25 hours of prayer next weekend, I know God is going to do big things on this campus! To see what I mean check out any post on The 48 from last spring (March-April).

Fall Breather

Fall Breather, one of the best ideas for a break ever, was last Monday and Tuesday, which means an awesomely long weekend. Instead of just hanging out at home all the time, which I did last year, I lead a school trip up to the International House of Prayer-KC (referred to as the ihop from here on out). How did I get this super-cool responsibility? Because I'm a chaplain, that's why! (By the way, I love all of my chaplain duties it's amazing!)

A total of 9 students went, which was just the perfect amount. The students who went were also perfect for this trip. I feel like God hand-picked them to go on this trip. Though I knew everyone on the trip and knew they were responsible, there is always that fear that the leader will become the baby-sitter, in a sense. Thankfully I never had to do that and never felt the tension between simultaneously being a friend and a leader. The whole trip was amazing, God was definitely leading it and blessing it. Logistically, which is my least favorite part, everything went so smooth. I was never stressed by anything and nothing that could've gone wrong did.

Also, the students who went, and myself included, were all impacted by God while we were there. We spent most of our days in the prayer room and just soaked in the presence of God. We also had some group meetings to pray together and talk about what we had been experiencing.

For me, it was amazing to see how everything came together in the end. David, my chaplain co-chair and a pretty cool guy, had been planning this for a few months wondering how everything would really come together. It was neat for me to bring others (I'm friends with most of the group) to a place that is so close to my heart and see them experience it. It was amazing to pray with them and talk to them about what they were experiencing with God and to see them flourish in prayer and Bible study.
















Photos from www.ihop.org

I want my caramel Apple Cider, dangit!

I'm sitting at Mokas waiting for my apple cider to be done.
Anyway.
It is Fall breather (Monday and Tuesday off=yay!) and I'm at home until Sunday.
Sunday I leave with a group of 8 other Sterling-ites and we head up to the International House of Prayer in Kansas City. I love that my chaplain duties include taking people to places I love. My co-chair buddy David F. and I organized the whole trip. Unfortunately he is not able to go as he tore his ACL a few weeks ago and just had surgery. So I'm completely in charge. No sponsor or anything. Just a sophomore telling everyone else what to do. That's bad planning.
The good part is that those who are coming are all responsible and are all my friends. We should get along just fine.
I'll actually have to update my blog sometime. Life has been crazy busy, or cruzy.
Oh, and I cut my hair today.
And colored it.
ha!

Yay! A wedding!

Hey everybody, my sister is getting married this weekend!
I'm so excited and really looking forward to hanging out with friends and family, being maid of honor, and, most of all, to see my sister marry the man she loves. I completely approve. The first time I met Travis I approved and he has continued to not just meet, but exceed my standards. Yay, I have a cool bro-in-law!
I'll have to post pictures when I get back and if my computer allows.
I'm sure I'll embarrass my self at some point. Look forward to some awkward stories.
Yay!

Hedged in

Author's note:
After considering deleting this post I decided to go ahead and post it. It's not as eloquent as I want and it barely scrapes the surface of the issue and my feelings. Well, whatever...

God has such a beautiful way of dealing with and moving in the human heart. Recently I have been reviewing one in particular in my own life. It's the concept of being hedged in.

Often times there comes a season in a Christian's walk with God where things seem dry, dull, boring, or distant. It can be a dramatic and painful contrast to seasons where God's presence seems to surround you and worship, prayer, and Bible study grip your heart every time. This is often referred to as a desert season. I have found myself in this place, this season, recently.

When entering this season it is easy to assume ,"I've done something wrong! I better start repenting of every horrible thing I've ever done. That will make this feeling go away," however, though the feeling of distance from God can be from sin, this is often a season of growth. God has bigger purposes than we can imagine.

These seasons are often used to shake us out of our comfort zone, to disillusion us to the things of this life, and to make us realize how much more God has for us. In this wilderness, this dry and barren place, God is enlarging our capacity to love Him. It's another interesting paradox: a barren place is where we can find life and when we mourn for more of God we will be comforted.

These are not seasons without purpose. God knows our hearts. He knows how easily we are distracted and allow ourselves to be distracted. This is where He hedges us in. We try to find satisfaction in human relationships. WALL. We try to numb the ache inside with entertainment. WALL. We try to fill our emptiness with substances. WALL. We try to run. WALL. We search for satisfaction in everything but God and every time we come up empty. This is our gift.

He is calling us to meet Him in this place, where we're boxed in by our own dissatisfaction and finally look to Him.

I'm such a bum

Time-management is one of my fortes. I am excellent at getting work done on time, and even ahead of time for classes. Once homework and other obligations are out of the way I have plenty of time for socializing and the like. I rarely get really stressed out and even if I do I handle that well.
And then I started my sophomore year in college.
I am such a bum this semester. I can't seem to discipline myself to get things done in a timely manner. I'm going to drive myself nuts with this lack of schedule, forgetting assignments, and general lack of self control.
Most of the time I allow myself to be distracted. It's not hard. I've got lots of options, internet, piano playing, napping, wandering aimlessly around the dorm, and talking to friends (I don't mind this one at all really because it's usually productive and encouraging).
I think one of the causes is my seemingly excessive amount of free time. With more free time I always have the excuse that I can do it later.
The problem with this whole being a bum thing is that more important things often fall to the side. Like time getting to know others, spending time ministering to others, and most importantly, time with God.
Hopefully I'll kick myself in the rear one of these days and get in gear. Until then, if you see me with lots of books and papers spread all over my bed, I'm probably attempting to work. I'd love to see you, but encourage me to finish my homework first.

Well, time for a nap.

100th Post!!!

Yay! I made it to 100! I've been waiting. Not really, that was a lie. I only noticed when I got up to 96. Anyway, what better way to celebrate (besides having an actual party) than reflecting on the best posts I've written. (Disclaimer: Just because I call it my best writing does not mean that it is amazing writing and/or grammatically correct. It may also be totally random and weird.)

Napoleon 2: The Re-enactment

Low-Risers, Cheesecloth, and all sizes fit none. Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

The 48 (hours of prayer that is)

Almost...the...weekened...

Justice and injustice in everyday life

Job Description

Remembering the 48

Awkward

Conversations with Strangers

Why stealing art is illogical

Norwegian police find Munch's 'Scream'

Two years ago some gunmen burst into a museum and stole the painting "Scream" by Edvard Munch. Museum security was no match to crazy art thieves with guns. Finally, the were apprehended.
Why would you steal such a famous piece of art? Everyone who sees it could easily recognize it. Even if you tried to sell it on the black market it could be tricky. Art is meant to be displayed and hanging a painting that's been missing for two years would be ridiculous.
If you really like a piece of art please don't steal it, you are only robbing others of enjoying it. I suggest going to the museum bookstore and buying a postcard version of it. If you are going to steal art, make sure it is at least from some obscure artist. You could steal my art.

What I have to go to class!?

That statement is an exaggeration of what I'm really feeling. I'm glad that classes have started and that the crazy orientation schedule is ready to be gathered into a giant pile and burnt. Thank goodness for routine of some sort.
I think my classes will be really good. I'm taking 18 hours right now, but 9 of them are pretty easy. The only ones I really have to work for are the only ones I really want to work for. They are 3 Christian ministry classes: instructional Bible Study, Biblical prophets, and Adolescent Culture and the Gospel. Lots of Bible reading which is awesome.
The only problem I'm having adjusting back into a school schedule is being disciplined in homework. I usually am but right now I want to catch up with all my friends from last year as well as meet the new students. I'm sure it will be easier once I really get into my schedule.
So far my prayer leader responsibilities are going well. The girls that I'm praying for a stellar! They are all amazing and unique. I'm excited to get to know them more.
The freshman class in general is impressive, not just in size (they're around 260), but in their talents and abilities. I think they will all have a good impact on Sterling Campus.

Well...I guess I'll go work on homework before class starts. Sigh.

You have to be ready!!!

Yesterday a group of us, who were helping guys move into Campbell Hall, took a break during the lull and watched an episode of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood. It was all about going to school for the first time and was especially appropriate since all the Fall athletes were moving in yesterday and the new students will move in tomorrow. One of the characters in make-believe-land was scaring all the children with as scary poem that made them think they weren't ready for school. The poem went something like this:

"You have to be ready, You have to be ready,

You have to be ready,

for school, for school!

You have to be ready or you'll be sorry!"

We thought it'd be appropriate to run down the halls and yell it when all the new students are here.

The campus is hopping now. All the athletes are back and we're still expecting many more students. The total enrollment, at least the last time I heard, for new students was 261! I'm excited for the rest of our wing girls to move in. We have a total of 8 girls who are new student/athletes and are expecting another 12 tomorrow. Woot! So far the girls seem really awesome, though I'm having problems remembering all their names. That is not unexpected on my part. I'm glad we all have to wear lanyards with our names on them. I hope that helps.

Student Leadership Training and the like

I am all moved in to my dorm room. Everything has assumed a similar location as last year, with the addition of a kickin' keyboard.
It's good to be back. Really good. We've been kept pretty busy. Our meetings and activities start at 7:30am and end around 10pm everyday. It's been really good. My team ,which is made up of 4 Resident assistants and they're prayer leaders, is really fun. We've been bonding and coming up with inside jokes and all that jazz (complete with flutes). It's been challenging physically, mentally, and spiritually, but mostly physically. All of our activities remind me of forgotten childhood activities and talents, like capture the flag and flag football. The schedule doesn't allow for a lot of down time but doesn't look like it will slow down much as we plan for orientation and prepare for new students.
We had our last game last night, a crazy relay race complete with chocolate, milk, water, and soap, and today will transition into planning orientation.
athletes move in Wednesday and all new students come Friday. Pray for us! We're going to have the largest group of new students the college has ever had. The record was 252 and we're looking like we'll have 260 new students! CRAZY! Last year we only had 150-ish.
I think it is going to be a crazy and amazing year, or if you like to combine words to make new words, cramazing.

"I leave for school in two days" and other seemingly shocking statements

I getting ready to go back for leadership training before class actually begins. I think it will be fun. But I think of it in a very far off fashion, like it is still May and the reality of school is months away.
Am I really going to school Thursday? Yes. Yes I am. Crazy.
When it seemed far away it was exciting. When it got closer I got more organized and wrote out vision statements. Now I am in a frenzy of packing.
The frenzy is mostly in my head while the actual packing is more organized. I just feel like there are a million things I have to do before I go back and they really aren't the most necessary things. Does that even make sense? Whatever. There are so many decisions that have to be made regarding my schedule and what activities I'm involved in and that kind of thing and all of those thoughts are bouncing around in my head simultaneously. I should really make a list or write it out or something but I'm sick of lists.
I'm sure I'll regain my sanity sometime. I'll keep you posted.

Rant over.

Conversations with Strangers

It's probably just my personality type or something similar that makes it seem awkward to me to talk to people I don't know. The "Thanks" or "Have a good day" to a cashier is usually where I draw the line. Like most things I've tried to avoid, my sister did it first. When we were younger Ang would talk to strangers everywhere. It wasn't ever the "Don't talk to strangers" scenarios parents usually warn their children about, Ang would always initiate the conversations. I was never brave enough, my younger years being the ones consumed with shyness around strangers, to talk to strangers, let alone strange adults.

Recently I've had more experiences that have changed my view on conversations with strangers. Just like going to see a therapist whom you barely know to confess/rant/share your deepest pains and secrets, conversations with strangers can be an opportunity to release burdens or say how you really feel without worrying about ever seeing that person again. It can be a huge blessing.

Example: A month ago my Mom and I were furniture shopping. The saleswoman that was helping us was very sweet and mentioned that she also took care of her mother, who has alzhiemers. She and my Mom got to talking about their shared experiences with taking care of elderly parents and not having very much sibling support. The woman got to talk to someone who really understood what she was going through. The conversation lasted about 30 minutes and the Saleswoman was blessed.

Conversations with strangers can also lead to learning experiences and be encouraging. Whether it's finding a shared interest of experience just knowing that there is someone else out there who cares about similar things you do.

Example: Earlier this week I was standing in line to check-out at Old Navy. A woman was behind me in line with the most adorable baby clothes in hand. I was debating complimenting her taste when she said, "They should really open up another lane. It isn't exactly a come and go store though." I complimented the outfit she had picked out and explained that I loved to shop here for my nephew. She then said that she was buying it for a friend who had recently adopted a baby girl from China and that she and her husband adopted two children from China starting a few years ago. I shared with her that my sister and I were both adopted and we talked about both of our experiences with adoption. We discussed the need of having more people willing to adopt, even if it is just one child and they have biological children as well. She had done mission work in an orphanage in China full of children who were abandoned due to 'defects' great and small, from birthmarks to down syndrome. She shared that most of the children in the orphanage had never even been picked up. We fit all this in to a 6 minute conversation. As we were both checking out we agreed that this was a God initiated meeting. We both left encouraged and inspired.

I was inspired because I love to meet people that are adopting! I have a chance to share my experiences as a adoptee and encourage them as well as seeing my prayers answered for more people to consider adoption.

The week so far

I went to Kansas City on Monday and got back yesterday. The trip with Molly didn't work out, but Ang wanted me to go wedding dress shopping with her so I went up there. I did get maybe 8 hours total in the prayer room at the Ihop, so that was good. Time there always helps me refocus. I also bought some new books. I'm stocking up on books to read at school and to create a library for other students to use. I've read all the books I'm taking to school and that will help me recommend them.

Dress shopping with Ang was fun. She looks gorgeous in everything she tries on. We'll probably shop some more, though she did find one she really liked.

I got to play with my nephew, Jackson, all week. He is 10 months old now, crazy! He is a fun baby and really smart!

Now that I'm home Ang, Trav, and Jack are on their way here for the weekend. We are hosting Ang's graduation party tomorrow and it should be fun. It should be a good weekend.

VBS summary

VBS went really well this year. There weren't as many specific occurrences that were outlandishly hilarious, but a few interesting moments, and many overall observations.
Here are a few things that made VBS interesting:

1. The lack of air-conditioning...not to mention it was the hottest week all summer, with temperatures of 107-112 all week. Some of the downstairs had great air conditioning while the sanctuary, where the kids started and ended the day, and the upstairs, where I did the drama in costume, were totally un-airconditioned. The first day the kids walked in to the drama room and cries of, "It's so hot!" and "WE'RE GOING TO DIE!" were the first thing out of the kids mouths. Thankfully we found a tiny air-conditioning unit in the room next to ours and put all the fans in it and faced them towards our room. That helped a little.
2. Kids are different now... Not that I was an extremely moral person when I was in 4th-5th grade (if you know me at all you understand), but kids are changing. Mostly it's there attitudes. The occurrence of the belief that "I'm too cool for this" is manifesting in younger and younger kids. With that attitude most kids don't feel like respecting authority. Although kids seem to be growing up and learning more faster than they used to it's not all bad. While some kids are incredibly cocky and profane some kids are growing deeper in God faster and have an amazing understanding of what God is like.
3. Adults now treat kids different ... As kids attitudes change adults attitudes towards them change. As adults attitudes about kids changes, kids attitudes change. It seems that the churches in our community are less excited and involved in VBS. It used to be a huge deal. Now it seems that they have to put up with the inconvenience. Last year the churches agreed to increase the budget for VBS and only 2 out of the three did. When things were getting tight we asked to take an offering for VBS and some of the Churches said no. It seems that adults are increasingly apathetic toward youth. That is incredibly sad. This is the time to really impact their lives for the better and to do that we have to show them how much we care. Youth deserve more than half-hearted attempts to be nice to them. What they need to experience is self-sacrificial love. It seems that our community has lost its vision for youth outreach and because of that we have lost the youth.

So...that's the overall review of VBS, now to the fun parts.

The first day of the drama I presented the story of the friends bringing their paralyzed friend to Jesus (Luke 5:17-26). You know, the one where they tore a hole in the roof. The scripts came with background sounds to make it seem more realistic. The sounds for that day were busy street noises complete with animals and carts and children playing. The 1st and 2nd grade group kept asking me if they could go see what was behind my walls. I told them that it was just the city streets and that there were mostly donkeys and sheep out there. About 5 minutes later a little girl screamed, "BRING OUT THE SHEEPS! BRING OUT THE DONKEYS!". I told her she might see them later. 2 days later during a drama about hiring new fishermen the same girl screamed again, "BRING OUT THE DONKEYS!"

We used the same drama room all week so by the end of the week it was getting a little messy. As my second group of the day walked in a little girl commented to her crew leader, "She needs to clean her house."

After VBS was over one of the adult leaders told me that when some of the kids were asked to draw their favorite part of the week they drew the stairs (where we made a cave entrance they had to crawl through) and the drama room. Someone was listening!

Awkward

I am an awkward kid. Most of you know that. Every once and awhile I do something that reminds me of my awkwardness. Yesterday I had one of those awkward kid moments.

As the previous post discussed yesterday VBS started. I went to the church early to help with last minute set up and the like. I was carrying some of my things like maracas, costumes, my script, and some duct tape. The steps at the Methodist Church are awkward in themselves due to how they were made. They are the same length depth wise as most steps but their height is quite different. Instead of 6 inches (approximation) they are about 3 inches high. I know that they are weird, I did grow up in that church, however that didn't stop me. For some reason with my feet obscured by the costumes and the already awkwardly balanced stuff I couldn't master the stairs. Expecting to take a higher step I wiped out and slid down the stairs. I landed on most of the stuff but the maracas came flying out and made a loud maraca-ish noise when they hit the stairs.

As I was getting up I said to myself, "Go Awkward kids." Once I gathered my stuff and my balance I stood up and saw above me on the steps the high school aged son of one of the women I worked with on VBS. I said ,"Hey" (in a truly awkward fashion) as he passed me on the steps.

It wasn't embarrassing as much as it was hilarious. Sometimes Jesus likes to humble me in a humorous fashion.
Good one Jesus, good one.

Vacation Bible School: Viva Jesus!

Tonight is the first night of 5 of our community VBS. Like almost every church we are doing Fiesta: Where Kids are fired up about Jesus! I have been painting sets and what not for the past few weeks and this week I am performing skits about the theme of the day. The theme for today is Jesus is our friend (Viva!). "Viva!" is what the kids are supposed to yell while making a V shape with their arms every time anyone says Jesus is our ______!
The skits are pretty funny but some have a more serious note which in the past has scared the pre-k to K group. I'm sure like last year there will be some funny stories. If anything awesome or hilarious happens I will blog it. Wish me luck!

Current Events: Israel and the Middle East

If you don't know what is going on with Israel or don't care read this article: Escalation ripples through Middle East .

Throughout history Israel has been in a almost constant skirmish with other nations (in fact Israel means 'he struggles with God'). In recent years the main disputes have been territorial and mostly with the Palestinians. Though there were concessions made about a year ago there is no peace. I really don't know why anyone expected there would be. Then Hamas, a political group dedicated to destroying Israel, took control of parliament, and therefore the government, back in January. Thing heated up again when Hamas kidnapped an Israeli soldier and Israel responded by firing on Government buildings in Palestine. As a result of Israel's actions many Palestinians are living without electricity or clean water and many have gone weeks, if not months, without any kind of pay. Surely, the poorest of the poor are suffering the most.

Now Israel is blaming Hezbollah for the kidnapping of two Israeli soldiers. It's a great time to be an Israeli soldier (sarcasm). As a result, Israel is bombing airports, main roads, and other means of transportation/commerce. As the article mentioned, things could easily spiral out of control all across the middle east and ,in turn, the world.
I believe that though tensions might ease for awhile the conflict is far from over and peace is not even close to being a reality, but it is a distant hope for now. It's going to get worse over all before it gets better.

And with that being said it is time to pray. In Isaiah, God speaks to the prophet concerning Israel. God knows the extreme trials that Israel has been through and will go through as well as the fear they face and the violence they are using. God tells Isaiah to bring His words to the people to comfort them.

Isaiah 40 (NIV)
Comfort for God's People

1 Comfort, comfort my people, says your God.
2 Speak tenderly to Jerusalem,and proclaim to her that her hard service has been completed, that her sin has been paid for, that she has received from the LORD's hand double for all her sins.
3 A voice of one calling: "In the desert prepare the way for the LORD ; make straight in the wilderness a highway for our God.
4 Every valley shall be raised up,every mountain and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level,the rugged places a plain.
5 And the glory of the LORD will be revealed, and all mankind together will see it. For the mouth of the LORD has spoken."

6 A voice says, "Cry out." And I said, "What shall I cry?"

"All men are like grass,

and all their glory is like the flowers of the field.
7 The grass withers and the flowers fall,

because the breath of the LORD blows on them.

Surely the people are grass.
8 The grass withers and the flowers fall,

but the word of our God stands forever."
9 You who bring good tidings to Zion,

go up on a high mountain.

You who bring good tidings to Jerusalem,

lift up your voice with a shout,

lift it up, do not be afraid;

say to the towns of Judah,

"Here is your God!"

10 See, the Sovereign LORD comes with power,

and his arm rules for him.

See, his reward is with him,

and his recompense accompanies him.

11 He tends his flock like a shepherd:

He gathers the lambs in his arms

and carries them close to his heart;

he gently leads those that have young.

12 Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand,

or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens?

Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket,

or weighed the mountains on the scales

and the hills in a balance?

13 Who has understood the mind of the LORD,

or instructed him as his counselor?
14 Whom did the LORD consult to enlighten him,

and who taught him the right way?

Who was it that taught him knowledge

or showed him the path of understanding?

15 Surely the nations are like a drop in a bucket;

they are regarded as dust on the scales;

he weighs the islands as though they were fine dust.

16 Lebanon is not sufficient for altar fires,

nor its animals enough for burnt offerings.
17 Before him all the nations are as nothing;

they are regarded by him as worthless

and less than nothing.

18 To whom, then, will you compare God?

What image will you compare him to?
19 As for an idol, a craftsman casts it,

and a goldsmith overlays it with gold

and fashions silver chains for it.

20 A man too poor to present such an offering

selects wood that will not rot.

He looks for a skilled craftsman

to set up an idol that will not topple.

21 Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

Has it not been told you from the beginning?

Have you not understood since the earth was founded?

22 He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth,

and its people are like grasshoppers.

He stretches out the heavens like a canopy,

and spreads them out like a tent to live in.

23 He brings princes to naught

and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing.
24 No sooner are they planted,

no sooner are they sown,

no sooner do they take root in the ground,

than he blows on them and they wither,

and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff.

25 "To whom will you compare me?

Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One.
26 Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:

Who created all these?

He who brings out the starry host one by one,

and calls them each by name.

Because of his great power and mighty strength,

not one of them is missing.

27 Why do you say, O Jacob,

and complain, O Israel,

"My way is hidden from the LORD;

my cause is disregarded by my God"?

28 Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The LORD is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

Like Isaiah, it is time for us to pray for the comfort and peace of Jerusalem on God's terms. It is time to cry out and tell them that "all men are like grass", that this life is just a breath, just a moment. The only peace is God's peace.

"But if [Israel's] transgression means riches for the world, and their loss means riches for the Gentiles, how much greater riches will their fullness bring!" Romans 11:12

To post or...eh..whatever

I am feeling a bit indifferent about posting lately. I am actually doing more things than usual, like painting all the sets, posters, life-size characters, and random things for the community vacation Bible school, that I could blog about. I just don't.
I apologize to this recent bout of blogging indifference. I know how it feels to go to a friends blog (who I may or may not have spoken to recently) in hopes to see what is up in their universe only to find a blog that hasn't been updated since April or so. I really don't think I'll be that long.
So in case I don't write for a little while:
I'm doing great
I'm excited for school
I'm preparing for all my VBS responsibilities
I'm reading a ton
I hate T.V., except for the occasional episode of The Office
I've seen a lot of movies lately (Superman, Pirates of the Caribbean, the new Pride and Prejudice)
I'm continually depressed when I look at most of my peers facebook profiles. Lay off the alcohol my friends!You are wasting away in every way possible! You are worth more than this!
I'm trying to plan a trip to the IHOP with my friend Molly though we haven't found a cheap and safe place to stay yet. The continual roadblocks I've been meeting are very frustrating.
I love my nephew!
I've decided that I work best with my peers and those who are younger than me.
God is continually reminding me why I love prayer and teaching me more about it. I love it!
A theme that keeps coming up this summer is meekness (no, not weakness)
I miss my friends.

Perhaps when I am less indifferent I will explain more of these things.

By the way, while I am indifferent about posting at the moment I am not indifferent about you or other people. Just thought I'd clear that up.

I heart Prayer

That is a statement that continues to grow in truth. It seems the more I pray the more I love it. I'm not telling you this so you think I'm all super spiritual and amazing. I'm telling you hopefully to encourage you, whether you love, hate, or are currently indecisive about prayer. I am not by any means a super prayer warrior, in fact most of the time I avoid it until I ache inside. It's only when I spend time in prayer that I remember that I really do love it and is not as hard or inconvenient as I thought.
Here is a few reasons why I love prayer:

I get to talk to God and He talks back!- It is such an amazing blessing to be able to communicate with the One who made me, knows me fully, and knows what's happening. He enjoys it when I join with Him in prayer. That's right, I did put that He talks back. This 'talking' comes in different forms such as: an internal audible voice, a sense in my spirit, a verse in the Bible, a dream or vision, or from another person. He wants to talk to me more that I could ever want to talk to Him, which blows my mind!

I don't have to know what I'm doing- When I first became a Christian I was incredibly uncomfortable praying out loud. Even by myself I didn't feel confident in my prayers. As I've grown I've realized that God doesn't need my prayers to be eloquent or even make sense to others. Plus the Holy Spirit is helping me out. "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will." Romans 8:26-27 (NIV).

I can learn about God's heart- As I continue to pray God continues to teach me more about what He desires, what His will is, and how He acts. By praying scripture I am aligning my heart with what He has already revealed about Himself and how He answers prayers. Also, I can come to understand more about how God feels about other people.

I can join with Jesus in intercession- As God reveals what is on His heart I can join with Him in praying to see it fulfilled on earth and in heaven. "But because Jesus lives forever, he has a permanent priesthood. Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them." Hebrews 7:24-25. It amazes me to know that there is something so much bigger going on and that I can be a part of that.

I think that the best part about this list is that this isn't something only I do or will experience. Anyone can learn these things and yes, enjoy prayer.

I am looking forward to a lifetime of learning how to make better conversation with God, especially that part about listening.

Saturday!

I don't know why I put that exclamation mark in the title, so far this Saturday hasn't warranted a "!". I guess I'll just leave it there expecting that the day will become very "!".
Right now I'm at Mokas enjoying a Strawberries and cream smoothie. Delicious! This was really just an excuse to get out of the house. I'm so used to being away from my parents away all day that weekends are kind of weird. Weekends mean overexpousure to my parents. I think Dad and I might go see a movie later so that actually might be fun.
Hmmm...It's always been interesting to me that I, and many others, go to coffee houses, bookstores, and the like to be 'alone'. What is it about these places that attracts the somewhat anti-social? I think I've figured it out. Obviously when one goes to a coffee house they will not be alone. However, they will most likely not be bothered by others who have also come to be 'alone'. In our culture being alone is feared because (duh) it can lead to loneliness. The allure of such locations is that you can be left alone without being alone. Ta da! My theory is that if people weren't so afraid of being alone, and didn't like expensive, unique beverages so much, that places like coffee houses wouldn't survive.

---

Anyway....I also have this amazing song by Misty Edwards, my favorite worship leader at the I.H.O.P-KC, called I set my heart. Some of the lyrics are as such:

It's just a moment

Less than a minute

Life is a vapor

And there's more than meets the eye

So I will set my mind on things above

I will set my heart on things to come

I'm on my way!

I'm on my way to Zion!

You'd really have to hear it to get the full impact. It's based on one of my favorite Psalms,Psalm 84:5-7. It's definitely been on heavy rotation in my CD player and in my mind.

I heart my guy friends

I'm not exactly sure what prompted this post. Partly it's the fact that I haven't done an "I heart ______" post in a while and partly because though I haven't seen my guy friends lately I really do appreciate them. So here is my post of gratitude and recognition of my guy friends.

There is a time fore everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. Consequently there is a time when I get tired of hanging out with girls. Sometimes I've just had an overload of females and all that comes with them. Usually when I do get tired of them it is because they have moved from normal to crazy in every aspect of being female. It is at this point that I say "Anyway..." , politely bow, and walk (which turns into a run when I'm no longer in sight) away. Then I turn to the refuge of femaled-out people.

Males. Males are typically and hopefully opposite in behavior, priorities, and discussion topics than females. Instead of talking about feelings they would rather watch a movie or bowl; really anything that inhibits conversation. They don't often get involved in drama, although there are rare occurrences of it, and will end up treating me like one of the guys (mostly because they don't know what to do with me). Yes, this is just what I need when girls annoy me. After a 'season' of a few weeks I will be thoroughly unimpressed with the way guys talk, treat each other, and live and will return to my herd. After being starved out of talking about feelings I will return to those who talk about feelings and philosophize about life regularly. Females.

In one year this rotation happens a few times. Thankfully I have some great guy friends to turn to and well...hang out with. They help me maintain my sanity as well as allowing me to get rid of frustration without costing friendships, male or female.

Guy friends, I salute you!
Cue the montage!
Ok, so the picture uploader is being weird. More montage later!

Zoom!!!

There goes almost half of summer. Just thought I would remind myself to spend my time wisely.

I'm actually excited about next year. I'm starting to pray and brainstorm about my Prayer Leader duties as well as deciding where most of my time will be be spent. I'm really excited about being able to be together with my friends again. I miss the constant community at Sterling as well as the fellowship. I'm the only one of my female high school friends that actually is back in town this summer. My guy friends are all pretty busy. This combo of distance from female friends and the schedules of my male friends results in very little peer contact. Bummer. If you've ever gone to an event like a family reunion and been the only kid your age then you understand a little bit what this is like.

I'm really excited about having my best friend Ellen close again (K-State as opposed to Chicago). I really am going to strive to visit her regularly (Hold me to it Ellen).

I just realized that I'm going to be a sophomore in college. Jesh. Craziness.

My eye!!! Grrr...

My eye is annoying me right now. Well...not really my eye but the stitches near it that keep poking it. I had a minor procedure done on Monday. I had this tiny cyst that, if left alone, could've grown into a mole or something. I'm not big on any kind of surgical procedure especially if it's that close to my eye. It wasn't such a big deal. In fact the worst part of the whole thing was not the shots (which I hate) but the outrageously bright light that was positioned 6 inches from my face. The worst part about this light was not so much it's proximity to my face but that I couldn't do anything to keep it from my eyes. My eyes were already closed and yet it felt like I was staring into the sun. The light was more painful than anything. Jerks!
So now I have these three tiny stitches and the ends of them poke the skin around my eye every time I move or blink. Thank goodness they're coming out Monday.

P.S. If you see me and it looks like a spider has been squashed near my eye or you feel like you need to help me remove what looks like eye gunk please, I beg of you, do not in any way attempt to help me by touching, scratching, or picking at it. I will sue you and you will pay for my new stitches.

F.Y.I

Garage sales suck. Do all that you can to avoid them. If you've ever tried you know it sucks. Warn as many people as you can.
My advice: Give it away (possible tax deductible) or throw it away. Spare yourself the headache that is a garage sale. Also, take preventative measures like not buying crap.

Life, death, and the clean-up afterwards

My Grandma had very specific request regarding her death, some of which were a bit troublesome. She didn't want to be embalmed and thus had to be buried within 24 hours. Keep in mind that this was Memorial Day weekend and that 3 of her 4 children lived in California. Somehow it all worked out. All of her children made it to the burial. The children were joined that evening or the next day by their spouses. Wednesday we had the memorial. A lot of people showed up, not unexpected considering our family is pretty big and that Grandma helped a lot of people. We had a short service filled with a sermon by a long-time friend of Grandma, her favorite hymns, and tributes from family and friends.
Imbetween services the family was working at Grandma's apartment going through photo albums, old letters, files, clothing, jewelry, and anything else you can think of. Despite the sudden loss of a mother, grandmother, or mother-in-law the family seemed to be coping well. We aren't often all together, and though we wish it could've been under different circumstances, we enjoyed being together immensely.
The thing to remember is that mourning lasts more than the time before and during a funeral. I think it will be a long process once we allow our emotions to catch up to us.
Thank you for all of your prayers and support.

Sad news

This morning my family got a call from the assisted living apartments where my grandma lived. They informed us that she had died during the night. It has been a sad day and I don't think the reality has set in for most of us as we have planned her funeral as well as made preparations for relatives who are coming to stay with us.
I mourn the loss of my beloved grandma, Theresa, who was an amazing woman of faith. She prayed for all of our family members daily, as well as close family friends and significant others. I know that her prayers have helped shape me into the person I am today. She was also extremely involved in the community, working with the elderly, teaching Sunday school, and 'adopting' college kids as a prayer partner and mentor. She was also extremely sharp, and the toughest competitor at scrabble I've ever known. She has also been strong willed, probably due to her long life that experienced the depression, wars, deaths of husbands, and raising 4 kids (she was born in 1914).
I am sad that she is gone but now she does not have to suffer through the pain of cancer and she is finally home. I know I'll see her again. I rejoice that she gets to hang out with Jesus, she waited 92 years for it!

Please keep my family in your prayers as we say goodbye and heal. Also, many of my family members are traveling.

Job Description

How would you like to be born to do a specific job? From the moment you were born you've know exactly what you're supposed to be doing. Your life is shaped by this knowledge; day to day decisions come under the scrutiny of relevance to your future. Will this help or hurt your future position? Is it really beneficial? I'm sure some feel like they have been there due to parent's hopes and expectations. What if your parents knew before you were born?

Then an angel of the Lord appeared to him, standing at the right side of the altar of incense. When Zechariah saw him, he was startled and was gripped with fear. But the angel said to him: "Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to give him the name John. He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth, for he will be great in the sight of the Lord. He is never to take wine or other fermented drink, and he will be filled with the Holy Spirit even from birth of the people of Israel will he bring back to the Lord their God. And he will go on before the Lord, in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous--to make ready a people prepared for the Lord." Luke 1:11-17 (NIV)

Did you catch that job description? It's pretty hefty. The part that hits me hard is the very last line, "to make ready a people prepared for the Lord." This is the job description of John the Baptist, a man who Jesus called the greatest man ever born of a woman (Matthew 11:11). His job descriptionn is one of a forerunner. A forerunner is what it sounds like, one who runs ahead or makes a way before (no, not just a trendsetter), but John the Baptist is the living example of a forerunner. A little odd? Seemingly extreme? Worth it? You bet. But did you read his job description?

I may not have the same 'job description' as John the Baptist and it may not even come close. I do know that I want to live a focused life where the choices are continuously weighed against my destiny. I may not know all the details of my job description at this point but I do know that I am supposed to, "Love the Lord [my] God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength" (Deuteronomy 6:4-6) and to love others (1 John 4:19-21). I will keep doing that (at least attempting it. disclaimer: I'm not perfect) ; living with the same weight as if my actions and inactions prepare people for the Lord. In that aspect I hope to be a forerunner.

Off I go.

Check this out!

I just made an excellent find, which some have probably already found. He's an orthodox Jewish reggae rapper. He's Matisyahu. He's released a new album, Youth, which sounds amazing from what I've heard. Right now you can check out his video, "King without a crown", which is Relevant Magazine's featured video. Check him out!

Finally!

After a rather discouraging week of realizing that I hate t.v. and don't have much to do I got a break. Thursday Jen B. , my R.D. at school, called me up and invited me to a weekend at the IHOP (prayer, not pancakes). I was able to go, since I haven't planned anything. We got there just in time for the Friday night Encounter God service (EGS) and my favorite worship leader, Misty Edwards, spoke and it was amazing. Saturday I got up early and did the Special Olympics Bun Run with Ang, Trav, and Jack. It was a lot of fun! After than we went to brunch at First Watch and returned home to nap. After napping, feeding the Jack, and playing with the Jack, Travis dropped me off at the IHOP. I ended up being in the prayer room for almost 7 hours straight.

This weekend was what I needed. After running after meaningless entertainment and feeling stuck where God seems far away I have returned refocused and refreshed. Soaking myself in the Word, worship, and prayer reminded me of God's faithfulness, worthiness, and how much I want to know and love Him.

Weekend at Ihop and with family=success.

Take that boring summer!

Summer begins

So I feel like this could be another summer where weekends don't matter anymore. Days slip by filled with little more than sleeping, something creative every once and awhile, and a menial task or two. When the weekend comes it is just another day, nothing significant to mark it as different from the weekdays except a name.
If I had a job it might seem different. It's not that I want a job necessarily and I don't need one. However, it would be nice to feel like I'm accomplishing something everyday, something that helps others. I do accomplish things now, just things that interest me or benefit me.
What I really want to do with my summer is simple. It's not a specific job, more of a list of goals:

• Positively impact those around me by ministering to them in some way.
• Grow as an individual through serving.
• Learn about God as a result of working with and serving others.

I don't even care about pay that much. I'd volunteer if I knew I was needed. Ah, summer.

Congrats!

My sister graduated from college yesterday and she did it in three years! Everyone high-five my sister or hug her. If you don't know her don't try any of that because that would be creepy.

Anyway...

Congrats sissy, I'm proud of you!

Moved out- Unpacked

Phase 2 and 3: I have officially moved out of the dorm and have moved back home for the summer. Packing wasn't a big deal at all and neither was moving it all back. Now it's time for phase 4: Assimilation into the home environment.
Observations:

• There is definitely less to do.
• I still have to unpack all my junk. Dang.
• I haven't seen any of my friends around yet.
• This is going to be a long summer.
• Though I thought I packed them, none of my college friends made it home with me. :(

I'm still getting used to the quiet and the lack of stimulus/entertainment at home. Quiet and lack of entertainment are two things dorm life does not include.

Going home is almost like going through withdrawal. I didn't know college could ever be so addicting.

Pack it up-Move it out

Right now I'm on 'Pack it Up'. From what I remember of packing to come here it's much better to pack to go home. Not as many decisions, just "Pack it" or "Chuck it". The worst part is taking down all my pictures and the like. My room looks naked now. Granted that also means it looks cleaner I still like to decorate. I don't really have that much to pack right now. I only have one box and I filled it with things from my desk. My mom will bring more boxes tomorrow and the majority of the packing will be done then. I still don't feel like it's the end of the school year. Weird. I'm sure that once the idea that I won't see all my friends on a daily basis sets in I will be a lot more emotional, right now I just feel like I'm packing up for winter break. It's now time to move away from a temporary home to what no longer seems like home. Ah, summer.

Take that!

Take that finals!!! I'm finished with you!

Victory is mine.

Almost done...

It's finals week here at Sterling College and that means craziness, mostly caused by a lack of sleep and a strong desire to do anything but study. I finished my two hardest finals yesterday and today and will coast through the rest of the week doing pretty much nothing. Good for me.

The thing is I actually have to go home after this.

Sigh.

It's not that I don't want to be at home, but that I'm going to miss my college buddies. I think I will miss dorm life...well...parts of it anyway. I just can't believe that this is the last week. At least I'll have time to do things I want like read, make art, watch movies I missed, go to The IHOP (prayer, not pancakes), visit Ang, Trav, and Jack (as well as babysit), and hang out with Jesus. It'll be nice.

Back to finals.
Something interesting I've noticed is that I don't know half of the classes my friends are in. I just forget that they're in some classes because I never hear about it, that is until finals week. Then I just feel dumb.

Yay for finals being almost over.

This has to be one of the most un-organized and unpurposeful posts ever. Sorry about that.

Remembering The 48

Yesterday Jen, a few others, and I took down the prayer room. It has been open all day and some evenings ever since The 48. We took down the posters, the information signs, the post-it notes, the art work, the Bibles, the hymnals, and the chairs. Everything, except the architecture, serving as a sign of what God's been doing on campus and that this is a house of prayer has been taken down.
It was sad. The year is ending. All the students are parting ways for the summer. Faithful seniors who have been monumental in the prayer happenings on campus are moving on. For awhile, this room that we prayed over, prayed in, cried in, sang in, danced in, and changed in will no longer be used for prayer.
It was sad, however, it was also joyful. As I placed the post-its filled with prayers and praises and the posters filled with testimonies of break-throughs of hearts and lives changing I was reminded of God's faithfulness, of His power, of His love, of his Grace, His goodness, and His holiness. Though the people are leaving and the space is empty God was (and is) here, present in our lives and on our campus. The 48 was not a dream and though the memory may fade for some, the impact of experiencing the presence of God will forever wound many for love. People have been changed. I have been changed. God is faithful. What He has promised He will do and He has done.

Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,

and your dominion endures through all generations.

The LORD is faithful to all his promises

and loving toward all he has made.

Psalm 145:13

Joy and Sadness. An interesting paradox, though not unexpected. Life from death. Beauty from ashes. A paradox that does more than perplex and amaze, but creates desire for that which I mourn for and that which I rejoice over.

Last Day of Classes

I finished my last day of classes for my first year of College! Weird. Very weird. It does not seem possible that it is almost summer. It does not seem possible that I'm practically done with my freshman year. I have packed a lot into 2 semesters. I don't really have time to introspective and give a review of the year. Maybe later...after finals or something. Blah. I think out of all my classes I'm going to miss Human Social Context the most. I actually learned things and was impacted by a required course! The main things I learned was how ignorant I am when it comes to what is really going on in the world (mainly with injustice) and I have learned to hate my own indifference.

Are you an awkward kid?

I'm an awkward kid. If you knew me at all when I was younger (especially in late middle school to junior high) you would agree with that statement. What is an awkward kid anyway? I can verify that they never completely grow out of their awkwardness, more like into it, and that has to make them some of the coolest people around. So how do you know if you (or someone else) was or is an awkward kid? Here are some of the symptoms:

• Sports related injuries. (In my case getting hit in the face a lot when playing sports that involve balls.)
• Slightly uncoordinated.
• Has albums full of awkward junior high photos (as mentioned above)
• Trips over oneself frequently
• Talks before thinking (foot in mouth)
• Embarrasses self frequently, often thinking it's worse than it is.
• Can be shy
• Unique sense of humor

Now here are the counterparts of what makes Awkward kids cool:

• Cool scars and heightened tolerance of physical pain
• Often finds out later that they can be incredibly suave in other areas (i.e. dancing) and that they look smoother than they feel.
• Has photo's to look back on to use as stand-up comedy routines and realize how good looking they are now.
• Still trips, however less injuries and embarrassment are sustained.
• Has learned when to speak and when to listen. (Depends on the person)
• Has learned not to care about other people's opinions=less embarrassment, more self-confidence.
• Befriends shy people. Compassionate to others.
• People finally appreciate their unique sense of humor. Also enjoys other people's quirks

Although some are more awkward than others, everyone has been an awkward kid at some point in their life. I hope you can see how awesome, unique, and wonderful your awkwardness has made you. Go awkward kids!

Untimely...

There's nothing like being sick, or knowing that you're headed that way. For the past two days my throat has been a little sore every once and awhile. I figured it was due to allergy related drainage. Too bad it's not going away. And I feel pooped. Too bad this is the last week of class before finals and I have 3 major group presentations to present this week. Blah. How untimely! Honestly, body, couldn't you have held out until school was out! Oh well. At least I have an excuse to take more naps. Hopefully this will disappear...say...Tomorrow.

Justice and Injustice in Everyday Life

When we think about justice and injustice in our lives what exactly do we think about? Do we think about the war in Iraq, genocide in Sudan, children starving in third world countries, and other Oprah-worthy acts of social injustice. How do we or should we define justice and injustice?
A few weeks ago in Wednesday Chapel James Cole, the assistant Chaplain, gave his definitions.
First, he defined power. Though power is often attributed to money or position he defined power as influence.
Injustice: the use of power to oppress others.
Justice: the use of power to liberate others.

He further defined oppression as dehumanizing someone and liberation as humanizing someone. This leads to his complete definition of the terms being:

Injustice : The use of power (influence) to oppress (dehumanize) others.
Justice: The use of poor (influence) to liberate (humanize) others.

James continued to say that injustice is not just something that we see on the news but something that we experience in our everyday lives, mostly in relationships with others.

In our relationships with others, whether it be with parents, friends, significant others, or people we lead, we have the opportunity to use our power (influence) justly or unjustly. There are ways in which we act unjustly (dehumanize) : lying, manipulating, gossiping, etc.
And opportunities to act justly (liberate): telling the truth even when it's painful, being supportive, breaking up when in an unhealthy dating relationship, etc.

We have the chance to free people from chains, perhaps even chains we've put them in. No longer is injustice only seen in poor foreign countries, it's in poor western relationships.

It's time to be liberators and not oppressors.

"He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8

"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor." Jesus. Luke 4:18-19 (also check out Isaiah 61:1-3)

I heart Saturday Night Live

It's true. I've loved Snl for a long time. I think my parents were the ones to really get the ball rolling. Even when we were young (and didn't know what they were doing) they would reference old characters from the first seasons. My affinity for the show grew in those awkward middle school/junior high years when all I needed to add to my awkwardness to make it even more awkward was attempting comedic timing. Anyway.... I hadn't watched it for quite sometime now due to my love of sleep and/or social Saturday nights. I finally started watching again this year.
The cast has changed a lot and has been through some sucky times. However, I think it's starting to turn around. I'm loving the new cast, especially the incredibly talented ladies and the nerdy young guys. My favorite female cast member is probably Amy Poehler. Before SNL she was on a great Comedy Central show called the Upright Citizens Brigade that was birthed from the casts improv group.

Just to share with you the things that I've enjoyed from the show I've linked to my favorite sketches, both recent and vintage.

Look alikes
Digital Short
The Sarcastic Clapping Family of Southampton
Spartan Cheerleaders:Cheer Camp
Olympia Cafe
Action 8 Newswatch
Botox

Worship and Intercession

Last night Jen, Cayla, Paul Son, and I traveled to Chase, Ks, to check out the Harp and Bowl House of Prayer. We had become connected with Alan, the director, during The 48. One of our schools cleaning ladies goes to their church and had told them about The 48 continuing. Alan and the director of children's ministries, Melinda, came to Kilbourn Prayer to see what we're up to. They've offered their facilities and resources to us and have really made us feel welcomed.

We had a great time! They even invited us to come up and sing with them. I took advantage of the opportunity and was really blessed. We all came away feeling refreshed and encouraged. It's incredibly encouraging to know there are other people so close to us (30 minutes) that also have a desire to see night and day prayer and lives transformed by Jesus. Jen and I returned this morning for their Sunday services.

This was very refreshing for me. All the crud that I'd been carrying around this week just doesn't seem like such a big deal now. Once you are connected with the one thing that really matters things of no consequence seem so obviously that, inconsequential. I am reminded again and again that the place of prayer is not a burdensome place but a place of joy and communion/ joy in communion. Like Misty Edwards says (paraphrase), "If you want to live a life of transcendence, get into the place of prayer. Prayer has real impact."

"And when he had taken it, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb. Each one had a harp and they were holding golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of the saints."And they sang a new song... Revelation 5:8-9a

Wedding Showers

There's nothing that makes a teenager feel older than a wedding shower. Granted I'm nineteen, in college, and Sterling is like marriage capital of the ACCK (Association of Christian Colleges in Kansas, or something similar to that), I still feel too young to actually attend as the friend of the bride-to-be and not just a tag along with my Mom.

The shower was for my R.D. Jen "soon to be Pierce" Baranowski. We've become pretty close this year through Kilbourn Prayer and planning The 48 together. The shower included games like "How well do you know Jen?" and "Make a wedding dress out of toilet paper." I'm sure they have more scientific names but you get the idea. Then there was present opening. I think this has to be the most awkward part of the shower. Granted, it really isn't that awkward at all, but it is sort of awkward. Why? It's just like opening presents at birthdays or graduation: everybody is watching you open every single present waiting to see your reaction. Then they gauge their life's happiness off of how much you smiled and the sound of delight you made.

All together it was a good time and we had a lot of fun. I think it was a good 'first wedding shower experience'. Now I've got some ideas for my sister's shower. What will be really scary is when friends my age start to have them. (Shivers). Friends, please don't hurry. We're still young.

Everybody put your hands together for the weekend!!!

Oh man. This has been one crazy, frustrating, and craptastic week. It wasn't all bad, just mostly.
Here's the big deal: I broke up with Nate on Wednesday. It wasn't easy. In fact it sucked and was more uncomfortable and horrible than I could even write. It needed to be done, though. I do feel like this was the best option and stand firm in my decision. All though I do feel bad for hurting him I know from my side of things it would be unfair to continue dating him. I don't want to go into the whole explanation and thus will try to sum it up in a few key phrases.

1. We make a good couple, but better friends.
2. I've got my own things to figure out before I drag another person into it.
3. If it continued any longer there would be greater pain and awkwardness on both parts.

The hardest part now is retaining our friendship. We are still in the very awkward post-breakup phase were you don't want to be around, let alone see, the other person lest it remind you of what was and now isn't. It will get better with time. Either way, I've decided to leave the "break-up photo' in the post about the dance up. I think it provides some good irony. Hopefully that irony will become humorous and not dramatic.

On top of breaking up I've got three group projects on my plate. It's not so much that I hate group projects, but I'm so busy right now that its very inconvenient to have to work with other people. I'm the person in the group that schedules and organizes everything too. That's a lot of effort. I'd rather study and take a test. Also next week is production week fo the One Acts. It's bound to get crazy.

Other than that my week has been ok. Less depressing posts to come.

Cargo Cults

Cargo cults-Very interesting concept. Some say crazy, but not Dr. Froese or Marvin Harris. Dr. Froese is one of my professors. He mainly teaches psychology but teachers an amazing Gen. Ed. called Human Social Context, a class which combines sociology, psychology, economics, and govt.
Marvin Harris is author of a book we read from that class called Cows , Pigs, Wars, and Witches: The Riddles of Culture. In this book Harris explores the deeper sociological issues behind cultural weirdness or conundrums such as why people don't eat cows in India, why witch trials really happened, and how tribal economic distribution works. It's pretty interesting.

Today, being the nerd that I am, I discovered a news story discussing a cargo cult that we read about in Harris' book.
Read the link: click here .

Then read this quote from Harris:
"Inevitably, these concepts--many rather precisely analogous to themes in the aboriginal belief system--had to become an idiom in which mass resistance to colonial exploitation was first expressed. "Mission Christianity" was the womb of rebellion. By repressing any form of open agitation, strikes, unions, or political parties, the Europeans themselves guaranteed the triumph of cargo. It was relatively easy to see that the missionaries were lying when they said that cargo would only be given to people who worked hard. What was difficult to grasp was that there was a definite link between the wealth enjoyed by the Australians and Americans and the work of the natives. Without the cheapness of native labor and the expropriation of native lands, the colonial powers would never have gotten so rich. In one sense, therefore, the natives were entitled to the products of the industrialized nations even though they couldn't pay for them. Cargo was their way of saying this. And that, I believe, is it's true secret."

Finally! A restful weekend

This past weekend was great. Why was it awesome? Well, if you must know I shall compile of list of reasons:

1. Easter!: Jesus is alive! Everybody comes to church! Peeps!
2. Family: Mom, Dad, Ang, Trav, and Jack were all at home. Lots of quality time.
3. Friends: Nate came home with me. We hung out a lot. Good times included jam sessions, games of tag, playing with the baby, and watching campy Batman movie.
4. Homework: I actually got homework done!
5. Rest: Unlike a lot of weekends where there are an abundance of people at home I actually got some good alone time and lazy time.

That was great timing for such a good weekend. Now I think I can make it these last few weeks of school.

Fingers-crossed.

Almost...The...Weekend....

So far it's been a good week. It's going to be a great weekend considering that I have Friday off. Tonight was like Thursday. It's like I get two Fridays!

God has been doing some cool stuff in my life personally. Besides just feeling more focused I've felt like God has been using this time to remind me of who I am. More importantly God has been reminding me of who He is. I've been studying a lot about the Church and her different roles as told in scripture. Somehow I think I lost track of how important it is to know who God is first.
I'd forgotten this simple concept:
If you don't know who God is then you don't know who you are.
As people we are made in the image of God. We are made to know Him and enjoy Him forever. He has made us, defined us, and He knows us better than we know ourselves. Like A.W. Tozer writes in his book The Knowledge of the Holy (if you want to borrow it you can), "What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us." The chapter continues to discuss how our ideas (high or low) about God impact every aspect of our lives and why it's important to 'think rightly about God'.
It's time for me to stop striving in vain to find out who I am and focus on who God is. Once I start looking to Him all the little things I worry about as well as those major stress points won't seem so burdensome. Trust will replace worry. Grace will replace striving. Hope will replace fear. His desires will replace my desires. No set date for all this to be accomplished, but I'm on my way.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:33-34

Pictures from the dance

We are adorable, thank you.











We call this one "the break-up photo."

A week? Really?...Sorry about that...

Sorry, guys (those who actually read my blog have the honor of being addressed as guys). I have left you with a cliffhanger for a week now. Not very nice of me. I'll try to give you all the updates.
So, the dance. Saturday went great! Nate and I danced and ate and watched IMAX films about the ocean and people who like to study it. We were being pretty chummy at the dance and enjoying ourselves. We left at 11:30 mostly because we were tired of the music. On the drive home we admitted that we both liked each other and decided to go from there. We decided to get to know each other better as friends in the context of dating. So we parked in my dorm parking lot and ended up talking, listening to music, and once and a while going on walks until 7:30am on Sunday. Nothing like a 13 hour first date. It was a lot of fun. So now we're dating. Cool.

What else has happened. . .

God has been opening up new opportunities to me. This week several leadership positions were offered to me. It's interesting because all of them were things I thought would be neat to do or I would really enjoy.
1.) Worship leading- The campus activities board has an event called Fuel that they do a couple times a semester. Fuel consists of worship and a speaker in a much more casual setting than chapel. This past Thursday they asked me to worship lead. I was pretty excited. I got together my friends Molly (to sing) and Cayla (to sing and play guitar) with me. It was a really neat experience and I was blessed through it.
2.) Tuesday Night Prayer, a.k.a "Kilbourn prayer"- Tuesday Night Prayer is something I've been involved in all year. Before I even came to Sterling I knew that God had some big plans and that He would use me. In my own scheming I dreamt about having a gathering that did the Ihop (prayer, not pancakes) model of worship and prayer in a few years. I came to campus and it already existed at Tuesday Night Prayer. My good friend Ben Edwards, who co-leads the group, decided to turn over his reigns to me next year. I am very excited because it is something that I am very passionate about!
3.) Chaplin-Our campus has chaplains to help with Chapel, counseling students, leading Bible studies, and the like. I was invited to be a Chaplin next year! I'm really excited. As of now I am going to co-chair the position of spiritual Formation with my fellow freshman friend David Fuller. We get to assess the spiritual needs on campus and find our how to meet them as well as training other chaplains to meet them.
4.) Prayer Leader- I am also a prayer leader next year. I am part of the first edition of prayer leaders. I will be assigned to a wing and will be responsible for praying for daily, praying with, and building relationship with up to 5 girls on my wing. I think this will really grow me and I am very excited about where I will end up with and with who.

I am continually amazed that God is including me in His various plans and giving me awesome servant leadership opportunities as a freshman. Crazy.

Anyway....another weekend. I'll try to post more.

P.S. Schools almost over!!!

Tonight's plans: Spring Formal

Tonight is the Spring formal. I'm equally as excited as I am annoyed. I'm excited about having a dance and having a fun date, but I'm never that excited about getting all dressed up. I tend to have more fun at dances where I can be comfy in jeans and tennis shoes.
The formal is actually off campus, which surprised me. It's at the cosmosphere in Hutch, a place wearied from field trips but cool in the formal dance context. Along with a dance there will be dinner and an Imax film.
I'm excited about going with my good friend Nate Prior. If you don't know who he is just look up his name and he'll be cited in several posts. The two of us are going to Freddy's for some frozen custard so we don't starve since our dinner is at 8:00.

Who knows what the night will hold?
Dancing? Hopefully decent. You bet.
Fun? No doubt.
The unexpected? I wouldn't be surprised.