Unattractive news: Kenya

For the last month or so there has been this incredible clash amongst two tribes in Kenya. It all started with an election that is thought to be rigged. People have been killed. Families have been displaced. Just last week the leaders of the two opposing parties have announced plans to work together for peace.
Kenya has been on my heart lately and this story had me upset today. It also upset me that this isn't seen as important. It isn't newsworthy. Since it isn't getting much coverage anywhere else I'm posting it here.

Kenya School attacked

Everything you see is a gift from God

This song is simple, child-like, and contains powerful truth. It's also catchy. It brings a smile to my face!

Life in your arms

This break has been really good. Relaxing. Reading. Journaling. Napping. Christmas shopping in a fun and yet efficient way. Seeing old and cherished friends.
Right now I am with my family. It has been great. I love catching up on what has happened and what is happening in people's lives. Things can change so drastically in just a few months. Often times spending time with family and catching up with people starts with getting aquainted with all the changes that have occured. It's a process of remembering who they are, figuring out the balance between who you know them to be and who you see before you, with changes, questions, new opinions, new wisdom. But it's also leaving them space, that amazing freedom, to keep growing and changing.
Right now I am sitting in my sister's house rocking my niece Zoey's chair thing with my foot. When I glance over we catch eyes. She smiles and coos at me. I love being able to carry her around and letting her fall asleep in my arms. It's amazing that I can hold this life in my arms. I can rock her and swing her. And it amazes me to think that I will see her grow up, from toddler-hood to mother-hood. And now, for this fleeting and thus precious, moment I can still hold her in my arms.
I think babies do this to people. They make them pause and wonder and marvel at life in their arms, and thier own lives flying past them too.
(Watch out people, I'm having an advent/christmas moment.)
I think this is part of the reason God loved the idea, the reality, and the implications of sending His son into the world. God enters the world in weak human flesh as Jesus. He's fully God and yet so obviously man. You could hold him, rock him, kiss his cheek, sing him a lullaby. And all the while you know, well...Mary, Joseph, and a handful of others knew or recognized, that they were holding Life in their arms. And later in His life you could eat a meal with him, you could put your arm around him and feel him sweat. And then he would go and raise the dead or heal the lame and blind, or calm the storm, and you knew he was God. Life right there with you, Life was your friend.
I'm so thankful for those chances that come along. Those chances to know that something marvelous and significant and once-in-a-lifetime is happeinging. The word in greek I think that fits so well here is Kairos. Kairos means-the perfect time, the fullness of time or as one of my professors has said, "that moment when earth's time and purpose intersects with God's time and purpose", it's when you feel that something holy, precious, and wonderful has happened.
I'm so glad that God has given me so many chances to slow down and recognize those Kairos moments, whether I'm holding Zoey or talking for hours on end with an old friend. I'm so thankful that God loves to interupt our lives, schedules, and thoughts just in time.

More funnies

Godzilla and Mothra-An Average Weekend

"What do you want to do this weekend?"

"I don't know. What do you want to do?"

"DESTROY THE CITY!!!"

For your viewing pleasure

Since I don't have much time to update these days (this is my last week of classes before finals) I've decided to post some cartoons I drew this summer. They are really random snapshots of how I often imagine things. That being said, you might think they don't make sense. No offense taken. I hope you enjoy them though!

This is called "Bear Attack"

"Once, twice, three times a she-bear"

"This guy had a lot of problems. Until tonight bear attacks wasn't one of them."

Nancy Kerrigan Halloween

More cartoons to come later

Is it Thanksgiving break yet?

I could really use a break.
Last weekend our small singing group, Highland Singers, went on a 4 day tour around eastern KS, mostly the Kansas City area. It was a great time and the best music tour experience I've had thus far. We became close as friends and became tight musically. It was a good tour, but we did miss two days of class and didn't have time to do homework. So I've been playing catch up this week. It's really a scramble sometimes.

This weekend I'm heading up to Kansas City again for our semi-annual trip to the International House of Prayer. I'm excited because a big group is going (25) and many have never been before. Also, I'm not in charge! That is a good feeling, especially when there is some sort of snag with the trip planning. I'm not being held responsible. It is also a hard feeling sometimes because I wish I could just take control and straighten it all out, or go back in time and help my friends (including my roommate and my boyfriend and another good friend) plan for all these snags about a month ago. It is times like this when I realize how much of a greedy power-monger I am. God is teaching me a lot about that. I'm excited for a slight break at one of my favorite places! I'm anticipating the work that God is going to do in these students lives. Some amazing things came out of our past trips.

That is all the updates you get for now.

I guess it is good that my degree is in youth ministry

St. Bernard of Clarivaux

Was an interesting cat. Right now (literally. I am 'taking a break' from my paper) I am writing a paper about his theological contributions. Here are a few quotes from him that I found particularly beautiful or interesting:

"I ask no further pledge of righteousness if he is one my side whom alone I have offended. If he decrees that a sin is not to be imputed to me, it is as if it never existed."

"You will not pray aright, if in your prayrs you seek anything but the Word, or seek him for the sake of anything but the Word; for in him are all things. In him is healing for your wounds, help in your need, resotration for your faults, resources for your further growth; in him is all that men should ask or desire, all they need, all that will profit them. There is no reason therefore to ask anything else of the Word, for he is all."

"Although the creature loves less, being a lesser being, yet if it loves with its whole heart nothing is lacking, for it has given all."

Hungry for adventure

I don't know what precisely is going on in my heart. It is a random, itching, "somethings about to happen", kind of feeling that rises up in me. The feeling is a hunger for adventure--to do soemthing meaningful, daring, maybe a little weird or stupid looking--for God. The condundrum is "What is God trying to tell me or show me? Where or to what is God leading me?".

I feel the need for a pilgramage. Getting out there--seeing a little bit of the world before the demands of adulthood come down on me--allowing God to take me way out of my comfort zone.

So far this pilgramage has been spiritual. God has been working on my heart intensely, with passion and jealousy for all of my love. Times have been tough, really tough at times. I've cried so much this semester it's nuts. Don't worry, I'm not depressed. It's actually an answer to prayer as I have asked God to soften my heart and to help me allow myself to feel, even when it hurts. I don't want a heart of stone! I've also had amazingly sweet and refreshing times in His presence. God is already taking me on an adventure as He calls me to join Him in what He is doing and where He is going, despite my fears and doubts. I'll have to write more about what God is doing in my heart. Remind me!

But, at the same time, I feel this stirring to go somewhere! I don't know where. I am still praying about it and seeing what God wants to do with my summer.
I don't know what it is. I think partly it's a desire for something different, partly a desire to be radically in love with God, and partly to be more independent and get away to something foreign to everyday life.

I just want this summer to be different. Every summer I end up feeling like my time could've been used better. Since I've gone to school my friends in town have all moved away and I feel isolated from my peers during the summer. I want to spend my time wisely, grow closer to God and be stretched in my faith, and get to know more people my age.

I'm checking out my options and praying about it. We'll see what happens.

Pray for the Middle East

Check out this article from the BBC Turkish MPs back attacks in Iraq.

Much needed rest

I'm headed home this weekend with several goals in mind:

• Get lots and lots and lots of homework done.- I have a feeling that next week, homecoming at Sterling, will be crazy. School doesn't stop during this week, but craziness grows exponentially as time to do things becomes more and more limited. And one of my professors chose to have a paper due that Thursday. Hopefully I will be able to work way, way ahead this weekend.
• Me time- I don't get a lot of that right now. Hopefully I will have more time to sleep, read for fun, take baths, play piano for fun, have more time to be with God, and other wonderful self-care type stuff.
• Be away from everyone and everything- That's how I handle stress. I remove myself from the situation or environment. I'm also introverted in a lot of ways so having time to not be around others and enjoy living in my head should be beneficial.
• I'm also reevaluating my current schedule-it turns out I don't have a lot of time for the things and people I love. My challenge is working around fixed times like classes, office hours, meetings, practices, and Bible studies.

This was my #1 fear about parenting...until I read this article

I found this treasure on msn.com

check it out

So it's been a little crazy: School

It has been a really long time since I've posted anything. I'll try and give some recaps of what has been going on--it won't be too in depth because there is so much. I think I'll do this in sections for easy reading

School- School is great, though incredibly busy. For example here is the schedule of my busiest day:
Monday
wake up 7:00am
Class- 8:00-1:00
Office Hours: 1:15-2:15
Free time: 2:15-3:45
SGA Meeting 4:00-5:30ish
Dinner 5:30-6:00
Get ready for meeting 6:00-6:30
Senate Meeting 6:45-8:30
Homework: 8:45-11:00
Time for people: 11:00-12:00ish
Bed: sometime between 12:00 and 1:00

My classes are going well. I'm taking Greek and am really enjoying it. It is challenging and I feel like this will be really useful in my personal devotions and future educational endeavors (seminary maybe. I don't know). I'm also taking Church History I. It's really amazing to see how different theology emerged in the midst of controversy and heresy. So far the homework isn't too bad, but I need to work ahead on things.

Because I'm so busy it is hard to find time to spend with people. I am slowly building relationships with new students. That is hard because I love being connected with the Sterling community and feel like that the greatest way to impact people is not from my desk in the SGA office (not to downplay the importance of having this position at all!) , but by being in the everydayness of life with people.

My responsibilities as SGA student chaplain are going well. Sometimes there are little tasks like running the projector and powerpoint things during chapel. Right now I'm focusing on forming our 3rd praise band from scratch. It's brand new with brand new people. Also, I am seeking God's guidance on how to best minister to the rest of the SGA Executive Cabinet team. There are very few people on campus who truly understand the sacrifice of time, energy, and personal interests that SGA makes for this campus. I'm mostly focusing on encouraging them, praying for them, and giving them the resources they need to thrive in their personal relationship with God. I am learning a lot! And God is humbling me more than I had anticipated. I'm also preparing to lead a Bible study in my dorm, which will start next week.

So there it is. Life has been a little crazy at School.

Back to School

In 9 days I will return to school for leadership training and orientation planning. It's amazing that the summer is already coming to a close. My summer was not at all what I had expected. The only thing I knew for sure was that I was going to The Call. I thought I would have more time up at the IHOP. I thought I would have more free time. I didn't plan on going to California. I didn't think I would ever be a camp counselor (more to come on that).

Though it wasn't necessarily what was expected it was a really wonderful summer. God taught me a lot about leadership, service, relationships, perseverance, and youth ministry. I know that even the smallest experiences I've had this summer God will use to teach me or help me during the school year.

Next year is going to be so different. I can feel it. I'm going to be an upper class men. The campus will be different (due to the natural ebb and flow of new students and friends who have graduated). I'm in more prominent positions of leadership. I am leading one praise band this year (there are two) and am President over our Praise Band organization. I'm head student chaplain. Part of my job as student chaplain is being a member of the Student Government's executive cabinet which means meetings, helping christian organizations on campus, helping with Wednesday and Sunday chapel services, assessing the spiritual needs of the campus and finding ways to provide for those needs. The other part includes providing leadership, underneath our two campus pastors, for the student chaplain team, leading Bible studies, and whatever else might come up. I'm really excited for this opportunity and desire to honor and follow God's leadership, knowing His heart for this campus.



Aside from titled roles this year will be different as I have two years left and myself and my peers are starting to think about the future. Suddenly the idea of independence and adulthood take on new meanings as they become much more than just moving away from home and going to school. We've got a lot to learn. Also, my best friend of two years, a wonderful and godly man, is now my boyfriend. It will be a fun challenge learning to balance our relationship with all of our responsibilities (he is also a chaplain this year among other things) and honor God with our relationship.

Above all, all these unknowns and unexpected have helped me learn to trust God's perfect leadership. I'm excited to see how and where He will bring me to the "what's" this year.

Thoughts on The Call...a month later

A month ago I was flying into Nashville to meet two friends from school Cayla and Ben. It's amazing to think of all that took place during that one day and all that has happened since. Looking back it all seems so surreal. I know that The Call was a turning point, not only for me but for the Church and the nation, even though the full impact has yet to be seen. It's difficult to even put into words all that I experienced and all that God did but I will try.
The morning of the 7th we got up early and hopped a taxi with a few others from our hotel. We were meeting with thousands of others for a repentance walk. The walk was a 2.7 mile walk down Church Street from the park to the stadium. The focus of the repentance walk was not to point fingers at sinners on our way but to repent for our own sins and for the sins of the Church. Lou Engle said before the march (paraphrase), "The reason we have no voice in our culture is that we are consumed by the same sins as those outside of the Church."
Thousands of people started the day on their faces weeping, interceding, and repenting.

Then we started to walk. The whole walk was done in complete silence and as we started walking through the grass it sounded like rushing water, which reminded me of the passages in scripture about a "voice like many waters." It was so powerful to be united in repentance and prayer as we walked down Church street. As we got closer to the stadium we could hear the music and the voices singing "Holy, Holy, Holy." We walked into the stadium and moved from repentance to praise.

The Call officially started at 10am with corporate repentance and forgiveness. Leaders from various people groups would ask for forgiveness for the sins that group had committed against other groups. For example, white leaders asked for forgiveness from Native Americans and African Americans for the sins committed against them. Once this happened specific ethnic groups were asked to stand and we prayed for our brothers and sisters in Christ. Typically I am not one to cry or like crying but I couldn't help weeping most of the morning. That morning my tears became my repentance, praise, and intercession.

Throughout the rest of the day we would transition from worship, intercession, confession, personal and group prayer, and short lessons on themes of The Call. I received a huge breakthrough and freedom from past sins. I had waited so long to be free from that sin which hurt me and caused injury to other relationships. That was a huge part of what God did in me during The Call. I left feeling free and new.

God also used The Call to remind me who I am in Him and what I am called to do. It was very encouraging.
Another powerful part of the day was corporate communion. We all took communion together and committed ourselves to the Lord.

Worship was also powerful that day. The expression of 'warring in worship' was definitely the case. Since a-capella with 50,000 people is also something I highly recommend. Most of the time we would be gloriously stuck singing "Holy, Holy, Holy!" for long periods of time. I think that when God brings so many together to consecrate themselves to Him that is the most fitting thing to sing.

Just a week or so ago I received another huge breakthrough of feeling God's presence, enjoying being with God, and receiving revelation on the Word again. It's been months, starting maybe a year ago and really intensifying in February. He was faithful to lead me, teach me, and strengthen me during this time. I feel like the verse "I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living" Ps 27:13 was so true. There were so many times where my only choice was to cling to the truth of His word that He would reveal Himself again. He is so good!

P.S. I'll probably post some pictures of the event soon.

I'm back

Hey. I just returned from The Call in Nashville! (California was great by the way). It was one of the most beautiful, powerful, life-changing days I've had in my life. I'm still processing everything. I'll have to give a full update once I journal, reflect, and rest up. Until then I leave you with what happened towards the end of the day (There was a repentance walk at 7am, The Call started at 10 and ended at 10=long day)
Watch:

Stop Animation=Cool

If only my middle school flip books were as cool.
Click here

Disclaimer: At one point one of the guys is in his tidy-whities. Nothing too inappropriate. Just a warning.

Unexpected Traveling

I am coming to California in two days! That is pretty crazy! Though I am excited to come I wish it were under better circumstances.
My best friend of two years, recently turned boyfriend, Nate is from Norco. His grandmother died yesterday from colon cancer. It happened really fast. A few weeks ago she started feeling bad, last week they diagnosed it as cancer, and Sunday they gave her a few days to live. Nate was incredibly close to his grandmother and is really missing her. From all the stories I've heard she was an incredible lady and I am sad that I did not get to meet her. Nate is currently finishing his last week camp counseling at Westminster Woods. This will be the first time he has been home since Spring Break. I am heading out with him Saturday to the funeral and will hang around a few days.
It will be interesting because I get to meet all of his family (it's own unique circumstance) but they are also in the middle of grieving. I do know his parents and sister already so I won't be completely lost. I'm expecting the unexpected. I hope that while I'm there I can help with some of the little things of daily life. In times like these there is so much going on that things fall to the wayside. I hope I can ease their burdens a little and get to know them a little better in the process as well. Pray for us as we travel and for Nate's family as they gather and celebrate a life.

Never let your gaurd down....

Even though squirrels are cute, the are vicious (apparently).
Take a peak at this article titled Squirrel goes on rampage .

He wasn't kidding about being Jealous

"Put me like a seal over your heart,

Like a seal on your arm

For love is as strong as death,

Jealousy is as severe as Sheol

Its flashes are flashes of fire,

The very flame of the LORD.

"Many waters cannot quench love,

Nor will rivers overflow it;

If a man were to give all the riches of his house for love,

It would be utterly despised."

Song of Solomon 8:6-7 (NASB)

This verse is one that I have been meditating on recently. This comes from the book Song of Solomon or Song of Songs (your preference). It's a book you don't often hear about in church. There are typically two views about this book- 1.) This is a book about the intimacy and beauty in a marriage. This is to be taken more literally.

2.) This book is an allegory about Christ's love for the Church. Everything in the book stands for something else. It can be taken metaphorically as a believer's walk into deeper intimacy with God.

I think that it's a combo of two. Since God designed earthly marriage to be like the relationship between Christ and the Church (see here) I think that we can look at this book literally but also see past what is obvious and see Christ's love for the church. That being said (wow, really long intro) these are my thoughts on this verse.

First off, it becomes obvious that this love is not romantic-movie-love or fairy-tale love. This is not an average love. This love is like a flame, like the very flame of God. Water's cannot extinguish it. It isn't something that we can control. When it becomes inconvenient or hard we can't merely 'throw water on it', or even throw it into a river, and expect it to go out.

This love doesn't behave in ways we understand or like in our humanity.

It is stronger than death- it last forever and love really has the final word.

It is jealous as Sheol (the grave)- this love won't let us run to other lovers.

This love won't wash away when we feel it is getting too hot.

This love isn't impressed or controlled by our wealth.

Like it says in verse 7 "...If a man were to give all the riches of his house for love it would be utterly despised." It's not something you can buy and own as long as you want. One can never own (or control) love with wealth. Love, however, often call us to give up those things we can buy or 'earn' with our money. It's almost mocking the temporariness of money.

Because love is this way, especially God's love, something like this "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires" (see verses here), three separate times. Because this love is so serious it shouldn't been awakened until the proper time.

This definitely applies to human relationships. It's never good to rush into relationships or marriage before the proper time. (If you want advice on when that is or how you know go find some mature married people).

I also think this applies to our relationship with God. God is the author and perfecter of our faith, not us. He knows at what pace to set us at and where we need to go. He knows what we can handle. That doesn't mean that we don't have our share of responsibility. It's ok to trust God with the process. He's been doing it for a long time.

It especially makes me think of new believers. It's easy to want to teach them everything right away and want them to understand. But it is better to trust God to 'awaken love' and bring them closer to Himself how and when he wants.

Just some thoughts. Not exactly fully formed or anything.